To My Middle School Self; God IS In Control of Your Love Life.

Middle School is a confusing time for alot of us. All aspects of life are usually brought to your attention when you hit this stage in your life. Yet, for some us it comes before middle school.

People start dating, many people experience “firsts” of many things (Say NO to the “firsts” that would dishonor God and make you regret that decision in the long run) , sports gets more serious….the list goes on.

One thing that I regret the most is the skewed view I had on dating and relationships. I can tell you that my heart got bruised, and the worst part was I knew the actual truth; yet never really acted on those truths. Still growing, still learning, but this is what I would tell my confused, hurt, middle school self about dating and relationships.

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1. You DON’T Need A Boyfriend

You will truly find what you need when you realize who you are on your knees for. If you are on your knees begging for this guy, then you will feel like your need is there. Yet, when you are on your knees for the Lord, you will find that all your needs will be met in Him. Julia, you don’t need a boyfriend. What you need is a deeper relationship with Christ. You want real and lasting with him, than you first need real and lasting with Him first and always.

2. Eye Contact Doesn’t Mean Forever

I thought that if a guy stared at me and I stared at him, than it was meant to be. Little did I know that people make eye contact with food, and does that mean forever? No!

Emotions may rise, but you don’t have to rise with them. Do yourself a favor and “lift” and “commit” those feelings to God before you go making decisions you will regret.

3. “We’d be friends and then I would take him to Church.”

You thought that the person that “stared at you” was meant to be a sign that he would be “the one” (see the order in which this is down spiraling in?). Your mindset? I will take him to Church!! Julia, Missionary dating is not what God has in mind for a long lasting, Christ-centered relationship. If you meet without the attration of Christ in Him, than that attraction will soon become the main distraction! This will quickly take your eyes off the main reason for a relationship; to glorify God!So, again, “lift” and “commit”, realize the reality in this situation. The one God has for you will be put in your life when your eyes are on God, not on some cute guy.

” Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14 –

4. A Heart Pursued

I learned that there are both women and men who put on a front in front of the other person. They may flatter you with compliments and good things, yet what is he/she pursuing? Your feelings or your heart? Feelings usually make the decision to go “too far” before your heart does. Compliments or Christ? Is what you must ask yourself. He/she may seem to flatter you, but from what bases to do they know these things? They say your “beautiful” or “funny”, do they have a solid reason to know and then compliment you on those things? If they wanted to guard your heart than they wouldn’t say these things unless they were willing to take the next step….dating? marriage?

5. Dont Envy, Embrace

It’s easy to look at everyone around you and be envious of what you seem to be missing out on. But I have a feeling that if we wish we weren’t single now, and lived like we weren’t, then we will miss our singleness when we actually are in a relationship! Sounds like a foreign concept. Your kidding me right Julia? Yes, there are times I ask myself the same question! Yet, God wants us to embrace where we are now. The One God has for us may come into our embrace while we are “embracing”. Hang in there friend.

6. Emotional Purity

I never thought to consider this one. Physical purity, that is what is on all of the “Christain Dating” Headlines today. Yet, emotionally stable can mean physically self controlled. Emotional purity can bruise hearts. Emotional purity is the falling in love with an idea, and then falling in tears when you realize what you thought wasn’t true.

I’m still single, have never been in a relationship before, but because of my lack of emotional putiry, and dependence on God, I have learned all of these things in this post! Technically I have been “in a relationship”. I have been in a relationship with the opposite of truth, and fleeting emotions. This point is very important!

I still struggle with emotional purity. This goes against God because we are not following God with our WHOLE heart! God doesn’t hurt us when we follow Him with our whole heart. 1 John 4:18 says that “perfect love casts out fear”, the “perfect love” depicted here is God’s love for us. When we give our whole heart to others, there is a big chance we will get hurt.

” You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ” – Jeremiah 29:13 –

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Dear reader, hold on and hang on to God’s truth. I am still learning, and I don’t think I will never not be “learning” and “becoming”. Yet, that is where God wants you to be. He IS in control of your love life! He controls the “getting there” and the “being there” and everything in-between. I hope these things encouraged you, what would you tell your middle school self about dating?

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Getting Rid Of The Bitterness Of A Single Girl.

Its that romance movie that happens to be on TV, that couple at the coffee shop, that picture that they just had to share on Instagram that can remind the single girl of just how single they are. You don’t think you are bitter until the smallest thing can change your joy into sweet and sour bitterness; we aren’t even talking about Sour Patch kids.

I want to be free of the single girl bitterness, but there are some things we have to think about to get there….

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1. Why Doesn’t He Think Of Me!?

Does the one God have for me even think about me?

Does he even care about who I am?

Has this been you before? I know it has been me many times.

Yet, instead of being bitter about the lack of appearence of progress in who your future husband could be, we can draw comfort instead! Why? Because, instead of him constantly thinking of you, He is thinking of God. Hopefully this is the case, and hopfully you are doing the same. God is working on him now, and he is working on you too. Just think how awesome it will be when you meet your husband to be able to ask him, “what was God teaching you when I wasn’t with you?” Believe it or not, your future husband is better off without you right now….what?? Crazy to think about, but relish where God has you now…enjoy this season in which he is not here, even though that sonds harsh. Pray for your future husband, I’m sure he could use it!! Just look at how much you need it!

2. What’s Wrong With Me?

There is nothing wrong with you. Despite what this world wants you to think, there is a certain man God has planned for you that is looking for your exact “wrong”. This bitterenss really only comes to the surface when you look around at others, and find yourself comparing your story to theirs. “God I have waited longer than her! God, I know more about dat than she does!” Are all things that I have found myself saying. With that in mind then, the only things wrong with us is our view of our all knowing and loving God. Do we know God well enough to know that He loves us, and His plans for us reflects that…even when we are still single? Yet, we must bring this up. What qualitites do you have that need to be strengthened and weakened? We have covered this before, but the qualities that you wish for in a future spouse, should be qaulities that you look for in yourself (character wise).

3. “I’ve Waited Longer than her!” “I Know more about a Christ centered relationship than she does!”

What a bitterness trap you can fall into when you let these questions dominate your searching through the world of singleness. We covered this only slightly in the point above, lets cover it completly. Or as much as a sinlge can with only limited information of what God has chosen to reveal to us. All I know is this, there may still be more for you to know, and more ways for you to love the man God has for you. The waiting is not supposed to deteriate us, but strengthen us. Avoid asking these questions, instead commit them to God. God has written a love story, two actually. First God’s Word, His love story to you. And second, the one that includes you and the man God has for you. So why would God wrote your love story the same as someone elses?

4. You should Care

This may sounds harsh, but the most cowardley thing a single girl could say is “I don’t care.” While you should not let what you look like and if people accept you or not dictate how you live, you should still care. And you should especially care about the season you are in now, and about dating and relationships in general!! Because why? God cares!!! Why would a guy be interested in a girl who “doesn’t care”? Wouldn’t he be more interested in a girl who cares about life, is excited about where God has placed her, and embraces each season….even when it may not include him? May we strive to care, but not care so much that we end up making decisions from desperation.

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Valentines day is just around the corner. I hope that this post encouraged you, as it has opened my eyes to my own bittereness.

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Friendships With Guys- What To Take Caution To

I have a lot of friends who have guy friends, while guy friends are great to have there is some pre cautionary terms we need to take into consideration. Why you may ask? Because, people get older, emotions and feelings change, and marriage is a desire for most. Your man friends? they may have feelings for you, and while you don’t know that you could be sending them messages that you want to be more than friends and you don’t even know it…Let’s take a look at some of those shall we?

Touch

The first one is touch. One doesn’t have to see from the mans perspective to know that this is true for the women too. Be careful how you say “no” and becareful how you say “yes”. If “no” happens to be revealed with a slap to his arm, then stray away from that. If your “yes” is revealed in a touch of the shoulder, stray away from this. Women are sometimes naive in thinking that touch doesn’t effect the feelings. Yet, your touch could mean a mans “yes” to his own intelectual question…”does she want to be more than friends?”

Flirting

Is flirting okay? No, I don’t believe that flirting is okay. Unless you are dating than yes, show effection. Yet, flirting and effection are still two different things. Flirting sometimes suggests flirting with what could be, and breaking the heart of one who actually wants it to be. Rather that be the man or the women. Stray away from flirting and simply be yourself. Flirting is exhausting, and one can’t keep that up for forever.

Regarding Communication

There is no problem with hanging out and talking with this boy, yet one must ask themsleves do you single him out from everyone else? If you have no intention to someday be more than friends be careful has to how much you single them out. Are you constantly texting them, snapchatting them, sending them things? While you may think nothing of it, they may think you are wanting to be more than friends. Take heed to what you send and how many times you send it. Yet, by doing the next point you may not have to take such heed to doing so….

Make It Clear

By making it clear in the beginning that you just want to be friends, than that can change the whole directory of the rest of your friendship. By saying, I just want to be friends with you, than sending them things and talking to them shouldn’t be as much as a problem. Don’t be afraid to talk to your guy friend about this.

Respect The Other

If you made it clear that you just want to be friends with this person, than don’t send mixed signals. If you find yourslef getting jealous when he talks to a girl more than you, but you said you just wanted to be friends, don’t try to play the upper hand. Don’t try to weasle your way back into something when you specifically said you wanted to be friends. If you are having second thoughts, pray about it. “God, I am starting to think I want to be more than friends, what should I do?” Pray and then act, never act first without praying. Especially when it comes to dating relationships, and relationships in general!

Still Keep Your Girlfriends Close

You guy friend is not a women, he is a man. While he may be your bestfriend, he will still not fully understand being a women. So, don’t always throw your emotions on him and expect him to cry with you. If you go this route, he may think you want to be more than friends too. Keep your girl friends close, they are women, and they will encourage you as a women knows how. Yet, don’t think that you can’t talk to your man friend about issues too. It is good to have a mans perspective on things, there is no coincidence that your mom says, “ask your dad what he thinks.”

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I know that as I go along I will learn at lot more on this topic, but this is what I have seen and experienced to be true.

I know that God has great plans for your life, and if a husband is apart of that then what a better time to prepare for that than now!? By preparing for that we are called to put away things too. Lust, desires, emotions, lets not throw that on our guy friend when he is simply that…our guy friend. Even though, if the Lord wills, that guy friend could be your husband, with much prayer, submit that to God.

Just be careful. I have known friendships between a guy and girl go down hill because

1. They “awakened love” (Song of Solomon 8:4) when it wasn’t the right time
2. They sent the wrong messages to eachother;”I thought this is what you wanted” is what we are trying to avoid! Talk about it and make it known between this man friend of yours what your desires are about being his friend.

I did a post talking about the importance of being just friends, you can view that by clicking here.

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

The Beauty of Being “Just Friends”

The phrase that no one likes to hear…well except your parents. 

“Were just friends” which comes with the eye roll and attitude.  

Why can’t we be more then friends? 

Why can’t things just speed up? 

Well, I’m siding with the loving parents for this post, and saying that there is great beauty to be found in “just being friends”.  Yes, your parents still love you even when they make you “just be friends”! 

The dating scene in today’s world is…well confusing, skewed, and very much so based on feelings and seasons.  While this system of thinking and dating is very much something the world participates in, we as believers can stand out even more  with how we approach dating and relationships.  

“so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky…” – Philippians 2: 15 – 

What’s the beauty in “just being friends?” Well, I have a few reasons for you:) 

1. Friends in the beginning, friends at the isle

a lot of people say that when you get married you are marrying your best friend!  And well, this supports our claim excellently!  When you get to know the person you are interested in on a friendship level you are welcoming them to be themselves….to be friends with them!  When you build that friendship relationship with them before you walk down the isle, and before you even start dating, then how much easier will it be to be friends  when you are dating and when your married? The relationship you build as friends is a relationship you can build even stronger when you get married. 

        2.  Leaves no room for hurt

When you keep it at a friendship level until the right time, you are getting rid of the idea of someone getting hurt.  As the friendship grows you may want to start a relationship, yet if you automatically go into the dating scene the red-flags you may have missed in the friendship scene are more damning.  Your already labeled as girlfriend and boyfriend, and so the chance of there being hurt is greater! Look at being friends as a time to really get to know the other person, if there are red-flags, save yourself from the emotional damage of breaking up, and simply remain friends with that person.  

      3.  Spiritual Growth & Team work 

Personally one of my favorite reasons to not completely ignore “just being friends”.  Hopefully, the one that you are interested in is a believer in Christ Jesus and knows Him as their personal Savior.  Meaning, that he is your brother in Christ.  What I think is simply amazing is that the one you marry is not only your husband, but your brother in Christ! That is one of the reasons why marriage is so amazing! You not only grow with them as your husband, but you can grow with them spiritually!  So, when you are friends with this other person start growing with them as a brother in Christ….this will only deepen if this is the man or women that God has for you! Wow! I love God’s design for marriage! 

Learn to work together with your “friend”, marriage is similar to a team.  God put you two together to grow His kingdom, but also to build up his kingdom.  Learning to work together before you start dating, will help you better work together when you ” become one. “

        4.  Committed to Christ, but not yet fully committed to each other

When you are single you are committed to Christ, and that doesn’t suddenly change when you get married.  When you remain “curious friends” with this other person you are still allowing God to work in the other persons life (you also should do this when your married).  You are encouraging their growth, and if God decides to add you to their story then that will only deepen when you get married.  Ahh! Awesome!  Encourage this person, pray for them, and be content with knowing that before this person is ever in a committed relationship with you, they will always be in a committed relationship with Christ.  Don’t run in front of them distracting them, instead run beside them encouraging them as they go! 

        5. Friends still even if it doesn’t work out…

Not exactly what any of us would wish, but remaining friends when you are not yet ready will prevent anger, strife, resentment,  and sadness if it doesn’t work out.  Have emotional purity in this time, don’t get too attached!  While this person is certainly an option, they may not be the one. Don’t lay on them too much of your feelings unless you have been seeking God, and you are for sure that dating is definitely the next step. 

         6.  Pray, Pray, & Pray Some More

Praying is so very powerful!!  While there is still so much unknown in being friends with someone with the desire to one day be more than friends, there is still so much that is to be known about God.  Focus on Him in this time of singleness, and PRAY BIG!!  Praying never hurts the situation.  The most powerful thing we can do to prepare ourselves for the future is to pray about it. So, pray for your future spouse and even pray for “your friend”

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I hope this encouraged, and brought a new light to your current circumstances.  I hope that walking away from this post your will be refreshed and will greater treasure all of the friends that you have, both man and women.  Yet, be careful with how you present yourself around your guy friends…that will be for another day:) 

With Christ like bubbling love, 

Julia 

To The Single Girl This Christmas Season.

As the Christmas season is quickly approaching, so does the list of “Christmassy” things do with your significant other….

Okay, cool….what about the minority who doesn’t have a significant other?  This post is for you!  My hope is that you will read this and be encouraged, and that this Christmas season will not look too bad for the single girl! May this post resemble a nice cozy mug of hot cocoa on a cold winters day. 

Here We Go….A single girls guide to the Christmas season….

1. Trust God’s Timing

Being single or not being single should not be based on the season that the world is establishing, but the season that God has created for you before the world was established.  Yes, God knows it’s Christmas time, and yes He knows the struggle we may have.  Yet, He also knows that what He has planned is so much greater.  So, you heard it, trust God’s timing.  God’s timing was created before Christmas and the holiday season was ever created.  

     2.  Surround Yourself With People

How are you defining loneliness this Christmas Season?  Many of us are thinking dating relationships? Yet, a better way to fulfill that longing is to surround yourself with your friends, and family!  Instead of pushing yourself out on the dating market just to have a date to that Christmas Party! 

       3.   “Seasonal Love Bug” Be Gone! 

This Christmas season is not about the music, lights, gifts, etc., and it is definitely not about finding your future spouse.  If finding a “man” is something you only think about during the Christmas season, Valentines day, and for summer fun, then do you really have the right mindset for dating?  Is that God’s design for dating and marriage? Simply desiring a “man” for a season?  I mean we wander why we are still in a “single season”! We can’t seem to want  a “man” for longer than a Christmas season! 

So, let’s not get the “Seasonal Love bug”, if we are truly seeking Christs design for life and marriage, we will be open to anytime for God to reveal that special someone….not just the Christmastime. 

        4.  The True Meaning Of Christmas 

With all of the stress of the Christmas season, do we really want to add the search for our future spouse to the list?  Really though, is it about finding your future spouse or is it letting God find your future spouse and letting Him bring him to you?  

Let’s focus on the true meaning of Christmas, God sending His Son to the earth…if your looking for a love story this Christmas, then feast your eyes on John 3:16!!  Even the greatest love story ever told didn’t happen right after sin entered the world…does that shed some light on  waiting for your future spouse?  It wasn’t that God didn’t have a plan prepared, it was that He was waiting to put the plan in action.  So, as for you, it’s not that God doesn’t have a plan and someone for you, it’s that He is waiting to put the plan in action when the timing is right.  

Ladies, God KNOWS what He is doing! We also need to be content if singleness is the life that God has called us to live….even though I say that through clenched teeth! 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  – John 3:16 – 

      5.   Giving To Others Is The New “In A Relationship” 

Christmas time is the time of giving, so you can get that view clogged up when you are so focused on “getting” a boyfriend. We should instead be giving to others, that is what Christ did and He was single all of His days! 

       6.  Take Caution To The Romance Movies!

Yikes, probably the most convicting one for me!! I love me a good romance movie in the Christmas time, and sadly the television and propaganda this season is no help to our cause!  So, as I say this to you and to myself, watch the romance movie, but remember to guard your heart!  If you find yourself watching one, and your thoughts are taken to not so good places, remove yourself and do something else.  Pray and find a verse to read! 

“Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23 – 

        7.   Keep Praying  & Keep Seeking The Lord

This one seems like a no brainier, but we tend to overlook the most crucial of steps! We need to continue to be praying…

• for our future husband
• that God would continue to work in our hearts and prepare us for that season…
• to keep our hearts and minds pure (aka emotional and physical purity too) 

These are just some beginning steps you can take in your prayer life for your future husband.  Just because it’s Christmastime, it doesn’t change the directory of your prayer life. (and that goes for any season of life you enter)

Seek the Lord, and pray that His will be done in your life.  Seeking the Lord in your time of singleness and praying to Him is the greatest thing we can do to prepare ourselves for dating, and even the greatest thing we can do for our future spouse now!  WOW, prayer is so powerful!

Even the greatest love story ever told didn’t happen right after sin entered the world…does that shed some light on waiting for your future spouse? 

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I truly hope this encouraged you, and that it gives you a more clear view as you navigate this season as a single.  Yet, I am learning all the more and more as days go by…that while the desire to not be single is great, the desire to take it slow and really become who God wants me to be in the now is greater!  

Lord willing, this Christmas season will be awesome for us here at God’s Little Breadcrumbs, so stay tuned:) 

Praying for you dear friends!

With Christ like bubbling love, 

Julia 

How To Prepare Yourself To Serve Your Husband; Even Though You’ve Never Met.

The naive thinking of a single girls mind is this–when he comes I will be ready.  The reality of the single girl who thinks that way is this–he’s here where do I even begin.

The goal of the single life is many things, but for this post we will be talking about one goal in particular…preparedness.  For the sake of this post I will say the goal is this; our goal in the single years is to prepare for the “not so single years.”

To prepare ourselves for this we must think “future”! How can I “be a wife” to my husband even though I have never met him? How can you prepare yourself for the “not so single years”?  You find ways to serve God and you husband now!

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Serve God

The best experience we could give to others is the practice of serving God first.  Before the physical serving comes the spiritual heart serving (guilty of this for sure!) We cant fully serve “man” the right way, if we are not first fully serving Christ.  With our future husbands, we can’t fully serve them if we aren’t first serving God.

We can also look at the quality of what are service to our spouse will be, by how we not only serve God, but our family and friends!

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.” – 1 Chronicles 28:9 –

With a heart fully devoted to God and serving God, comes a heart that is fully equipped to serve others.  Yet, we can be equipped to do something but not still do it; follow through on what God has equipped you to do.  To be fully devoted doesn’t mean you can’t fully serve others; God’s “full” provides us with a full pursuit in any Christ given en-devour.

How to Serve Your Spouse Now!

Pray for Him!  Yes, I know I have mentioned this many times before…but it helps so much!  It creates a “real thing” amidst something so hoped and imagined for.

That brings up something else, pray to God.  God is our hope NOW ad FOREVER, and He leaves us nothing to the imagination of who He is.  Your husband should be more impressed with a girl who prays to God and gives her worries to Him, than a women who lays all of her burdens on him. When are prayers become more saturated with “wish I had’s” and “why cant’s” than the real design for marriage, dating, and relationships will quickly become skewed.  Gods design for marriage and dating will be fully represented when we fully accept God’s design for our life now.  We will never be happy in life if we don’t accept God’s design, and that goes beyond marriage and dating!

Next is to respect him.  Do you talk to others about your boyfriend and desires more than you do to God?  Before you are in a relationship with a man he is your brother in Christ, and that relationship only deepens when you are dating and eventually, Lord wiling, get married.

Read books and gain wisdom from other couples. In a relationship or not, this still applies. Prepare yourself by asking those who are already “prepared”.  Don’t always ask the easy questions like….

• “Was it butterflies when you first met?”
• “What were your favorite things to do together.”

While these questions aren’t bad to ask they simply brush the surface of what a God designed marriage is supposed to be.  Ask them questions that will prepare you, not simply questions that will propel your emotions.  Here are some question ideas…

• “What did you find yourself arguing about the most?”
• “How did you overcome arguments?”
• “What advice would you give?”
• “How do you put and keep God first?”
• “How do you keep each-others relationship strong when you had kids?”
• “What are some ways to communicate better?”

These are just SOME of the questions you could ask!

Two books that  have found have profoundly shaped my view on dating (and that view change is only beginning) has been God’s Word, and Timothy Keller’s book “the Meaning of Marriage.”

God’s Word is our ultimate guide to not only prepare us but equip us too.  God’s Word doesn’t give us too much on dating, but it sure does give us a lot of information about our relationship with Him….that is no coincidence.  Our relationship with others cannot grow if we don’t first focus on our relationship with Christ.  When we respect God’s design for our relationship with Him, then we will be able to see better God’s design for dating and relationships.  Our relationship with God is the relationship that effects all relationships! 

Timothy Keller’s book, “Meaning of Marriage”, talks more than just marriage and relationships.  It talks about how God’s Word effects all of it, and truly, that is what makes it so good! I highly recommend reading it! 

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We can prepare for marriage and dating by first checking what we are pursuing! are we pursuing the Creator or the creation?  Are we pursuing God first or the man first? I am not perfect…we are in this together!

1 Chronicles 16:11 ESV – “Seek the Lord and his strength;
    seek his presence continually!”

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Dear Heavenly Father, Help me to seek you and find ways to prepare myself for what you have put in front of me.  I commit the desires and dreams I have to you concerning all things, but especially my future husband.  Help me to respect your design and pursue you first. In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN. 

When There Is a Chance- Single living

“You mean it?”

“He actually likes me….and I like him?”

Alright, don’t go jumping the gun on me here.  Yes, it is exiting when you find out that there is a chance of a dating relationship.  You consider what you have asked of God, and how He may be answering you.  Yet, when you feel as if God is answering your prayer that doesn’t mean that you should ask and seek Him any less….it actually gives us a reason to do it more.  God doesn’t give you more to just to “give you more”….no, He takes it further than that.  A plea for more is a plead for more preparation and responsibility.  You want to be in a relationship?  Well, there’s more that comes with it.  Today we are going to be talking about that “more.”

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Don’t Forsake and Don’t Forget

The number one way to get a little kid to like you is to show them something better.  As a women I know that we are easily convinced that we can multitask without fully taking the meaning out of one of those different tasks….but the truth is, it’s impossible to share meaning with tasks that can’t be completed without time spent fully on it.  While, yes, there may be a chance of a relationship we can’t forsake and forget two things….

1. Our walk with Christ
2. Our purpose in Christ

we can’t become so enamored with the “creation” that we forget about the Creator.  Walking with Christ is your main priority, and seeking his will.  Dating can simply be a blessing that can come from a mature view on what God’s will is for you.  When one door opens you will get a new set of keys. In the same way when one request is answered, a few more will open up.  You prayed a lot for this?  God’s answer to your prayer doesn’t mean you are “done”, but that you are done with one thing and now equipped for the other.

Take It Slow

When you have been praying for something for a long time, and you feel like God has given you a clear response…what do you do?  Dive right in? Order the grande with extra whip?  No, usually things that take a while to arrive still have fragile pieces inside.  In Joshua 6 we get a glimpse of taking it slow and “yielding to abundance”…..

“But keep away from the devoted things, so that you will not bring about your own destruction by taking any of them. Otherwise you will make the camp of Israel liable to destruction and bring trouble on it.¹⁹ All the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron are sacred to the Lord and must go into his treasury.” ( verse 18 & 19) – emphasis added- 

God was giving them the city of Jericho, but still there were some restrictions!  God’s restrictions don’t harm  victory, but propel further ones!  In this case the “taking of the city” is our answer to prayer, and the “silver” and “gold” is a way of summarizing our restrictions.  When God gives us “new” abundance, there are more often that not a “new” list of instructions! God answered your prayer of sending a godly man?  Don’t dive in head first….wait on the Lord and for is instructions(Psalm 27:14) .  It will make the abundance way more enjoyable.

Wait to Reach Out

At the first sitting of any opportunities we get, we usually want to quickly reach out.  we want to get to the line first and shake everyone’s hand. Yet, when it comes to relationships I think you have to establish a considerable distance.  Leave room in your heart for God’s whisper.  Don’t text him and….text him…and text him some more.  Seek the Lord in this time and ask for His guidance.

Song of Solomon 8:4 says, “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem,
    not to awaken love until the time is right.”  (emphasis added) 

How do we know if the timing is right?  Because if we are seeking God when the timing is “wrong”…..He will show us when the timing is right.   Chasing men to get their attention will leave you out of breath when the right one comes along.

Take It Seriously

Blunt but very true.  A dating relationship that is based on what God’s design for marriage and dating, takes a certain type of mature understanding.  Take it seriously…because God does.  To fully enjoy the blessing of falling in love and dating, we have to fully respect God’s design for it.  Dating is not supposed to be a distraction, a time filler, and not even a medal.  Dating is supposed to be a sanctification of who God is and respecting God’s plan for marriage.

Random Tips

As the opportunity of a possible relationship hangs in the air here are a few tips to keep your mind on godly things.

• Still pray for your future spouse.  While, sure, the first godly man that comes along in your life could most definitely be your spouse…you don’t know that.  We don’t want what we don’t know about the future become what we put our hopes in. Pray for the man you see and also the man that you have been seeking in your prayer life(aka your future spouse) 
• Write letters.  I find that when I right letters to any future “something” it gives me a better feeling about the wait.  It makes “it” more real, and by “it” I mean marriage.  Like a lot of what this post is about…I encourage you to CONTINUE to write to your future spouse even if you think you have found him.

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When opportunities arise does that mean we cut-off all of what we had learned before? No, we continue in the things God was teaching us then and be prepared to learn even more.  Even when there seems to be a chance of a dating relationship with a man!  Continue in what God has been revealing to you, don’t “cut-off ” just because you feel caught up with everyone else.  Continue in your walk and seek Christ. 

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Dear Heavenly Father, It is so exiting when what we prayed about (relationship wise) seems to be coming true.  I know you know my desires…but just because opportunities arise I pray that my heart will still be in-tune to your desires for me.  Help me to enter this season with peace and wisdom….I know I can’t do it by myself. I also ask that you would give *insert name* wisdom and peace as you work in his life, and that your will be done. I pray that you will help me to see the different ways I need to improve as well.  Help me to trust in your timing, and to not awaken things too early.  In Jesus name I pray, AMEN. 

In The Single Years: Part 2

If you have not read the first post I recommend you do….click here.

In less than a year God has revealed new things to my heart concerning dating relationships….and the absence of it in my life. Not losing heart and instead, trusting in God’s perfect timing is key to unlocking the mysteries of your aching heart. God meant marriage to be a covenant, dating is to be a preparing of that covenant, and being single is becoming the one who understands God’s desire- for marriage and your life- a bit better. Our goal is to not have a “big list” on the “things I wish I would have told me single self” years from now. May I remind you we are not perfect, and God will revel to us only what He wants in the season of life we are in. There is only so much you can prepare for as you enter into any season.

Join me today as we tackle more ways to become better prepared and aware of “The Single Years”……

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Not Praying For “Perfect”

One way to prepare yourself for your future spouse, and to serve him without even knowing him, is to pray. Don’t pray for perfect, pray for present. Pray that the man God has for you will be equipped and close to becoming the man God wants him to be. Pray that he will be present in God’s plan, and that he will participate in God’s calling for him. By praying for perfect you will side lash every man that comes along because he isn’t “perfect”. NOT A THING!! No one is perfect, pray not for the hope of perfection in a man, but the hope of a man that is becoming Christ-like. Yet, a man you are looking for is also looking for a women with those qualities. If we were to pray for the perfect man without praying that we would become prefect…we would have one imperfect person trying to measure up to a perfect person…..see how this perspective is dry?

Two imperfect people with intentions to grow with each-other to the goal of becoming Christ-like, will become closer because of their goal of knowing Christ.

Fellow Brother In Christ

The man that you are seeking is also an image barrier of Christ (Genesis 1:27). By treating him as anything else leaves you with a relationship that scratches the surface of romance, but truly leaves out lasting relationship as we all desire. The man that God has for you goes through the same things you are going through….maybe at different time, and at a different pace. Respect him. Not a guy with “cooties” but a guy that has been placed with a calling just as you!

Gossip “Be Gone”

Girls tend to gossip about a lot of things. Including guys. I’ll admit it. It’s fun to blush and feel butterflies when your “dream boy significant other” is mentioned. This way of approaching marriage and future relationships only takes it as a joke. Not anything serious. Like we mentioned above we need to respect all men, and especially the one you see a future with. Is what you are saying amidst your friends something that your future spouse would want to hear?

Leave It To God- Your Not ready Yet

There are times where I feel like for sure I could be in a relationship…..my attitude is better, I’m balancing life, staying in God’s Word, been nice to my siblings. Yet still I’m single. Have I not become “enough” yet? By asking this question we are-on our own account- becoming mad at God. The process of becoming who God has meant for us to be is not to anger us, but to help flourish us into someone better. By stopping that and settling for less than God’s best, not only for a guy, but in our own life and attitude….we are asking for disaster. Learn to praise God for the process and the fruit that comes from progress.

“For your husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the Lord of hosts;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the God of all the earth.
“For the Lord has called you,
Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,”
Says your God.
“For a brief moment I forsook you,
But with great compassion I will gather you.
“In an outburst of anger
I hid My face from you for a moment,
But with everlasting loving kindness I will have compassion on you…” – Isaiah 54: 5- 7-

What a great reminder this is!! In our singleness God doesn’t single us out as lonely or less than! He sees us, and He wants us to know that before we make any covenant with a man, we have a lasting covenant in Him!

When to “Pursue”

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.” – Song of Songs 2:7 –

Wait for God to create the love story. Don’t pursue love that isn’t mean to be. Have comfort in knowing that if it is God’ will…it will happen. You may not know how, or you may not think you have the words to say…but God will awaken that desire in your life when the timing is right…don’t rush it.

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Single years can be rough…look forward to the person that God is shaping you to become. Even if God wants you to be single, don’t give the devil an excuse to rend your brain of the excitement of living the best life God has given you in light of who God is…single or married.

Praying for you all.

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Dear Heavenly Father, I praise you for bringing me this far. I pray that I will take marriage as seriously as you do, and in the mean time I pray that you will shape me to be the person you have in mind. I pray for my future spouse, that your will be done in his life and that your timing may be made right. I pray that all of the qualities I look for in a spouse, I will also look for in myself. In this time of waiting, help me wait patiently with you. In Jesus’ name I pray….AMEN

In The Single Years

BTS: I wrote this a around a year ago and God has taught me a lot since then.  About His plan for me in the single years, and who He is in my life. Tomorrow join me as we look at part two of this series.

Well ladies I find it quite easy to write about this because….well I’m single!   And you know what that is okay!   My intention for writing this is not to write a list of legible bachelors, but instead to share with you readers what we are to do in our single years.   Because God has you single now for a reason! And instead of getting upset about that. we can praise God! Why?  Because in this time of “waiting for our future spouse” can be time spent with God….and ultimately waiting with Him. Is it easy? For sure no!  This is my take on being single….

God,

“While I am waiting for your return, I find it even harder to wait on the things we experience in this world. From future husband, to jobs, to future kids. It’s all important to you too, which is crazy to think your waiting with me too. Even though you know when everything will happen sometimes I cant want, but just some action. But I have a small feeling that those who wait (patiently that is) will have a greater reward. Why? Because all of those years waiting was spent talking and waiting with you.” 

I think that waiting can sometimes be the hardest thing. While we are waiting for our future spouse many questions can come up like….I wonder if its him….if it is him then why aren’t we in a relationship now….what if no guy ever likes me? Believe it or not these are questions that I have definitely asked myself! Because they are the “easy” questions. Instead we need to ask ourselves the “hard” questions! like…how can I grow closer to God while I wait….how is God using this “waiting time” as a way to prepare me for a relationship and anything else….are these really things that I need to worry about?

(If I were to recommend one song about waiting then I would definitely recommend “While I’m Waiting” by Josh Waller!)

Pros and Cons of “list making”

When I say list making I mean writing down all the things you WISH for in a future husband!

• PROS>
• By making a list you are keeping your standards high, and you know what you are looking for (and what to pray for)
• It shows that you are serious about having a relationship that glorifies God.
• CONS>
• Sometimes when we make a list about our future spouse, we forget to flip the equation. Meaning that all the qualities (character wise) you wish for in a future spouse you should also look for in yourself. For example if you wish he is a godly leader, patient, slow to anger, compassionate, and supportive, than you may want to ask yourself if you have those qualities as well. Because there may be a fellow out there who may be praying for a women like you. Crazy Huh?
• Be honest here…how many of you have made a list and there are physical traits on there? Yep that’s me! Sometimes we can get so caught up in whats on the outside we forget about the inside. I’m thinking that the outside appearance “boxes” wont all be checked, but when you are in a relationship for the very reason to glorify God…then that wont really matter!

Emotional Purity

I struggle with emotional purity. Also known as dreaming about marrying a guy because he looks “cute”…but yet you have never really gotten to know him! Believe it or not there is a difference! Physical purity is very important, but usually it is the emotional purity that can make your thoughts go “too far”. How many guys are you going to give your heart away to by just constantly thinking about them? Will it be awkward around that man because your heart was so attached?  Will it effect your confidence in talking, to not just men, but others?

What is Love?

Love is what….Hallmark channel and romance? No, in 1 Corinthians 13 God gives us that chiseled out “hard core” representation of what love is.  The qualities in which make up love are not always going to look beautifully displayed in our body language, but may include sweat and hard work….if you are not willing to persevere in a relationship due to these things….do you really love them?  Loving someone goes as deep as loving the hope of who they will become.  Take a look…

• “If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

          Love never gives up.

          Love cares more for others than for self.

          Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

          Love doesn’t strut,

          Doesn’t have a swelled head,

          Doesn’t force itself on others,

          Isn’t always “me first,”

          Doesn’t fly off the handle,

          Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

          Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

          Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

          Puts up with anything,

          Trusts God always,

          Always looks for the best,

          Never looks back,

          But keeps going to the end.” (The Message)

• “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (NASB)

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UNMET EXPECTATIONS

I am sitting here typing this thinking to myself all of the times I have had a “crush” on a guy….that never ended up working out.  Maybe you are reading this and you were in a relationship for years, and you thought for sure you would get married…but your expectations never became a reality.  For girls I know how easy it is for us to fantasize about “this cute guy”, what the wedding will be like, and what things you will do together.  We want to feel loved is the bottom line…and if we cant experience that physically than we will think about it emotionally!!  And that is part of the problem.  We as women need to realize that God didn’t put us here for others to show their love to us, but that we might experience Gods love and show that love to others!  Don’t get me wrong there is not one day that goes by that I don’t think about what could be, but God shows us that his love has always been, and will be a refuge for us.

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(BACK TO THE VERSES)

When reading both of these verses I was thinking this; this love is the same love that God shows us.  If you put “God’s” in front of each of the love attributes, you will find it to be true!  As much as that warmed my heart it also made me look at myself. I wont be able to love others, even a future spouse, if I cant first grasp Gods love for me!  1 John 4:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.”   Is this the kind of love I want my relationship to be?  Or do I want that fleeting love that is only based on looks and whats on the outside?

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What we need to realize is that waiting for things is not a bad thing!  Because God is using this time of “waiting” to grow closer to Him and to prepare us for whats to come.  Why waste our “single years” when we can spend our time with God, and living for God?  Instead of hiding away when we are single!!  We are called to take action for His kingdom now!! You are a world changer:)

“Having a right relationship with Christ, will help me to see what qualities I need to make right in my life before finding my husband.”

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Join us tomorrow as we take on Part 2!

Why Can’t I Talk To This Person?

No, not that one person.

How they have made me feel, and the emotional pain they bought me…there is no way I could talk to that person.

These are my thoughts on talking to someone that I find it oh so hard to.  How can I show love to this person when their intentions for me seem so opposite?

It’s funny how it all turns out.  Sin tells me that it is true….you don’t have to show kindness to that person, they deserve the cold shoulder.  Christ says...so, you want me to give you the cold shoulder?

In conclusion you end up feeling worse for your actions in the end.  Why can’t I talk to this person?  Here is what I have concluded….

• You look at them through your strained vision.
• The plank in your own eye has grown too big.
• You highly dislike them, but yet you haven’t prayed for them.
• You don’t want to see them the way God sees them.
• You can’t get over what they have done to you in the past.

Wow, I have accumulated quite the list…like I been here before?  Yes, yes, and again yes.  Too many times.  Showing Christ like love cannot come to a flourish, if we first don’t let God sprinkle His specialty miracle grow on these areas of our hardened hearts.

Strained Vision

A vision strained by the past and the sin that still lingers now and then.  Throughout the Bible and from your own life, we can all testify and say complaining about everything around us is way easier than complaining about yourself.  It’s easier to pick out someone else’s flaws then pick out your own.  We do this so much that instead of clearing up our vision like we thought it would, it strains it and makes it even more painful to see our own mistakes.  Don’t strain your vision, straighten you vision so that it is set on Christ.

Matthew 7:1 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”

Big Plank

Chances are the plank of your own eye has grown to big.  So big that you become blind to your own character.  In reality, in the time it has taken for your plank to grow the person that was showing you hate is now showing you love…and you are now the one showing hate.  God’s Word says…

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”  – Matthew 7:5 – 

Have You Thought To Pray for them?

I get so busy complaining about them that I forget to pray for them.  Jesus said to “pray without ceasing”.  If you are ceasing to pray for this person…then pray that God will give you the heart to pray for them first.

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute them.”  – Matthew 5:44 – 

Yes, the person that angers you needs prayer….but sometimes we forget about the condition of our own hearts.  Ask God to forgive you.

See them The Way God sees Them

God has put you in a situation with someone you may dislike, because God is teaching you to love them the way He does.  As God’s hands and feet sometimes the only love they may physically and mentally experience is you!  How will you accept this and apply it to the people around you? Seeing them the way God sees them, is seeing that person the way you want God to see you.

1 Corinthians 12:27 – “All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” 

Get Over the Past

The past tends to make sure you remember it.  If Christ looked at us based on our past….then we would be far from free.  Yet, God chose to look past  our past so that He may propel us to do the same to others.

1 Corinthians 15: 5-  “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Keeping no record of wrongs will help us to see this person with a fresh perspective.  You will never look at your room the same once it has been cleaned….we now just need to focus on keeping it that way.

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Loving those who are hard to love is hard.  No doubt about it!  But when we think about how much God CHOOSES to love us despite our sin….in return we need to show love to others.  Love that doesn’t wait for the right time, but creates the right time to show it.   How will we act on this today?

With Christ like bubbling love,

Julia

Dear Heavenly Father, Hard equals loving those who are difficult to love.  Help me to see them the way you see them.  Show me ways in which I can be your hands and feet to those who never feel love.  show me areas in my life where I have fallen short, and help me grow tall in your truth.  In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN.